Upper Middle Age

What to Do When You’ve Already Done Everything You’re Not Supposed To Do

That’s the self-help book I’d like for today, my birthday.  Not Thirteen Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.  Because I’ve already done them all.  Those books don’t work in retrospect.  People don’t talk about that enough.  About what to do when you’re 55 years old, still live with your father in an RV down by the river, don’t have health insurance, are still single after your husband left you seven and a half years ago, and are entirely unclear about how you’re going to make enough money in the short amount of time you’re healthy enough to work to survive the lengthy last-of-life when you’re not.

So, let’s write that book.  That book talks about: 

1.      How to devise a purpose for which you want to work and earn money.  Is it just to survive and get to the next day, preferably without your returned check getting taped to the wall behind a cashier at a gas station?  Or is there a passion in your life that you want a little time to think about, like Revolutionary War history, watching Netflix, or feeding retired foxhounds?  Do you want to spend a few of the pennies you should save for housing or to pay for future dentures on an occasional trip to TJ Maxx and experimentation with dry shampoo?  Does it have to be monumental or can it be mildly ridiculous?  And who gets to make that call?

The books that talk about this are aimed at recent college graduates.  If I had heeded those books when I was a recent college grad, I wouldn’t be in this predicament.  And are there really college grads who do read these books, heed the advice, and create meaningful lives and investment portfolios because of them?  There must be. I think.  Although, I’d prefer to think these are anomalies and I’m more like everyone else.

Except, I know I’m not.  That’s the kind of keep-you-up-at-night-wracked-with random-bouts-of-uncontrollable regret you can have at 55 years old.

And I suspect many others feel the same, but they’re not going to post it on Facebook.

Maybe someone should write a book called, What to Do When You’ve Wasted Your Potential.

Except – that’s really my question.  And I don’t know the answer. 

I think Robert Greene would agree, at 55 it’s probably impossible to change and discover your purpose and then lead a life about it.

But, I'm still going to dangle the carrot out there and try to channel Colonel Sanders.